Helping a loved one cope with losing a child.

Losing a child is the worst thing I can imaging someone could go through.

I have not personally lost a child, but my sister lost my sweet baby niece. She wasn’t born yet but baby Z was so loved.

There was no explanation for the loss of pregnancy. I do not personally know, but I believe that if it were me, no explanation would be worst. I imagine that I would wonder every single day if there was something I could have done to prevent it.

My sister is my closest friend, it pains me that she may have thoughts like that. We know that sometimes these things happen and we have no explanation why. How do you tell that to a grieving mother though???

When I got that terrible phone call, I honestly had no idea what to do. I had to google an answer.

She had some well meaning people doing things that did not help the situation at all. I politely shared the articles that I had found and tried to leave a short explanation of thing you should and shouldn’t do.

DO:

Be available to talk. Be ready to just listen, sometimes we don’t have answers, but just listening is all they need.

DO NOT:

Pushing them to talk or asking them too many personal questions about it may make things worst. Do not force them to talk to you about it. They will open up if or when they are ready.

Do:

Show up briefly, just long enough to drop off some food or give them a hug or let them know you are there if they need anything.

DO NOT:

Show up with the intentions of staying any longer than five minutes. If they want you to stay or come over and visit, they will ask you. They need space to grieve alone.

Do:

Choose your words wisely. Watch what you say. Sometimes we say things with good intentions not realizing it could really hurt her.

DO NOT :

Say things like:

“At least she’s in heaven now.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

” You can always try again.”

“I know exactly how you feel!”

If she says these things first it is okay to agree. These are very grey area comments. Some of them may seem harmless, but could in fact upset your loved one even more.

My brave sister delivered baby Z a few days later. I was there to support her before but once she delivered, I left to give her and her significant other time to grieve alone.

We don’t talk about it very much, she knows I am here if she ever needs to talk though.

She attends a Pregnancy and Infant loss walk every year, the whole family comes to support her. I didn’t make it last year due to being very sick, but I plan on showing up every year. It is our way to support her.

Give them the needed space to grieve. Do not be too pushy. They need a friend, even if its someone to sit silently with.

-Brooke-

My Toddler Meets His Baby Sister.

When I found out I was pregnant with baby number two, my son G was just over a year old.

I was so afraid the he would hate the new baby. As we got closer I started talking about baby sister as much as I could. I started reading articles about introducing toddlers to new babies.

He was little but he did understand sissy was in mommies tummy and the crib in mommies room was for sissy. That was the extent of his understanding.

After reading lots of articles and worrying for many nights, it was almost time to have baby A.

I had a c section with G, so I had to schedule one for baby A. It did make things easier along the lines of planning and taking off work.

So the night before she was born, my mother took G for a sleepover at Memas house. We went in early for my csection and she was here in no time.

We had a few hours to spend with her alone, some time to adjust and some time for me to move around a bit. Mom brought G up to meet her that day. A’s father was holding her and I was just laying in bed, I didn’t want him to feel like I was replacing him.

He came in and sat down on the hospital bed with me and we asked him if he wanted to see sissy. He smiled really big and they handed A to me. After he adjusted to seeing her we let him try and hold her, the boppy pillow came in very handy for this.

He could not stop smiling! He loved her so much already. He was stroking her head and her hair.

When we tried to take her away, he got very upset because he wanted to hold her.

When she came home he would go get the boppy and sit down and point when he wanted to hold her.

Even now that he is in his terrible two’s, he still loves seeing her and playing with her. He is gentle with her.

I hope they don’t grow out of it! I just want them to stay this way forever.

Picture quality is not that great, sorry.

-Brooke-

New Years Diet 2018

With summer coming up it seems like everyone has getting fit on the brain. Everyone is trying to get swimsuit ready.

Megan is doing a diet called the 21 day fix and she seems to enjoy is and is seeing results.(maybe we can get her to write an article about it so we can see how it works)  Our boss is doing some sort of cleanse and not only is seeing results but also seems happier.

I think that all diets do work, but not for everyone. You have to find the right one to see results.

I will admit that I am the first to ask Megan to start a diet or workout challenge and i’m also the first to blow it.

Example:

Two days before New Years, we were feeling super fat and icky. I get the bright idea that we will start a diet. We decide Keto.

Honestly, neither of us know much about Keto and we were still broke from the holidays, so we couldn’t properly stock our houses with low or no carb options.

We both work at a Sub shop and the bread and cookies smell so good.

I start my diet immediately , Megan had already meal planned for the next few days so she waited and started on January 1st.

It went pretty well at first, but I need to stop right here and explain my LOVE for garlic bread.

I could seriously eat garlic bread for all three meals and snacks in between. I worked at a bbq place when I was a teenager and one of their sides were garlic bread. I would eat it at work, at home, it is so yummy.

My significant other made dinner. We were still broke, so pasta and garlic bread is what he decided. I told myself I would just have a little bit and one piece of garlic bread.

The next day I tried so hard not to tell Megan. I just couldn’t lie to her.

Brooke: “Megan, I can’t keep it to myself any longer. I’m so sorry!! ”

Megan: Look of suspicion on her face.

Brooke: “I cheated last night! I am so sorry! I just couldn’t help myself!”

Megan: “How many times Brooke?”

She is red faced and furious. She was just bragging about how she had turned down pasta dinner the night before.

Megan: “HOW MANY TIMES BROOKE?!?!”

Brooke: “Six… Six times. I tried only having one but it wasn’t enough. I had six, and it was so yummy.”

That was the first time I blew my diet. It happened three more times (about every 3 days) before i finally gave it up.

Anytime I get the idea to go on a crazy diet that takes a lot of self control. Megan is the first to remind me of this exact moment.

-Brooke-

 

 

My not so baby boy.

My son is two and a half years old. I split custody with his father. He stays a week with me and a week with him.

A week doesn’t seem like that long, but for a little one who is growing and developing so much, a lot can happen in one week.

I cannot tell you exactly when, but one day he left my house a baby and came back a moody preteen stuck in a toddlers body.

He used to enjoy snuggling and watching movies and being held.

Now he enjoys binge watching his favorite t.v. shows (Paw Patrol), helping himself to whatever he can reach in the refrigerator 24/7, and being a stinky boy.

He eats NONSTOP (a bottomless pit just like his mommy).

My son does not just help himself to the food, he makes it so nobody can enjoy it! I’m not sure if it’s innocence or just him being ornery. He tries to take a bite out of every wrapped cheese slice in the refrigerator. He knows it is wrapped, yet he still tries.

He also enjoys taking entire stacks of lunch meat out of the pack and eating them like sandwiches.

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He may be a bottomless pit who binge watches t.v. and doesn’t want mommies snuggles anymore, but he will ALWAYS be my baby boy.

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-Brooke-